Gerbils

In the high-stakes game of consulting I play, the morning tide of death is often washed away by an afternoon swell of relief. What drives this rollercoaster ride of emotion, you may ask? Client demands? No. Unreasonable boss? No. Long hours? Low pay? Lack of job security? Bonus speculation? No, no, no, and (again) no. A single number!

Having taken off from work early enough to feel completely immoral, Wednesday's high tide found me enjoying one of the pecularities of surfing with the boss--no waves, sun setting in the distance, bobbing in the ocean, talking shop. Cocktails, a choir, and a Christmas tree lighting in a 5-star resort followed surfing. Seaside dining with the requisite hulla dancers followed cocktails.

The turbulent tide of the next morning brought a secret monster, a hydra lurking beneath. Parties who may not be named agreed to "make the deal work" to book revenue in fiscal 2006. Cancel the NYC Christmas party next week. Cancel the week in SLC. Cancel the week in LA. Cancel Christmas. Cancel my life. Pencil in despair.

Emails were sent. The coasts were contacted. A honeymoon was interupted. Cranks were turned. Numbers were crunched. Bets were made. A call was anticipated.

The number was off! Christmas is on! Hallelujah Chorus echoes down the hallways. Clouds part. Sun shines brighter. Rainbows spontaneously appear in the sky like Kings bouncing across the screen in a completed game of solitaire.

The afternoon tide brought celebratory (root) beers and steaks in addition to new client anecdotes. Very soon the schmooze-fuel influenced one man to bring up his two previous failed engagements (as in to be married).

One was a Celtic Hand Ceremony.
His view: in a non-legal and non-binding way, let's reaffirm our commitment to each other every three years.
Her view: no contract and a renegotiation every three years, how is that marriage?

The other was a hybrid approach.
His view: I will buy a house. I will buy two houses. Next door to each other. You live in one, I in the other. A connecting breezeway will "marry" us together. You can come over to see me anytime you want. Otherwise I will be watching TV.
Her view: "Are we #@%&-ing gerbils!"