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1. Me
2. Stuff I think about
3. Stuff I would like others to think I am thinking about
4. Whatever I want
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Capturing my stoic media consumption, spartan consumerism, and hostile clichedness is no mean task. Likewise, the depth, breadth, and genius (not to mention correctness) of my social views and political agenda is not easily articulated nor understood. I believe I single-handedly placed the phrase "You just blew my mind" in the modern lexicon. For you beginners out there (or for you who have incredibly boring blogs, you know who you are), let me share a few methods I use to develop the themes mentioned above.
1. Plagiarize. If you think something is funny (and if you are me), then others will as well. They will think even more of you, if they are convinced you originally conceived that humorous item.
2. Don't let not having anything to say stop you from posting.
3. Accuse anyone of anything. This works well in person as well. For example, I recently accused an acquaintance of being a narrow-minded psuedo-intellectual carbon copy of someone with real opinions. Her crime? Well, she cited Atlas Shrugged as the best book ever. (Full disclosure, I have never read Atlas Shrugged. Lesson: don't let a lack of knowledge stop you.)
4. Know your audience. Well, know how to belittle your audience. Have a handful of trite and transparent conventions that make you seems smarter, cooler, and more handsome than you really are. For example, I rarely study for the GRE, but I have the book open now to copy words that I never really use into this post.
5. Sprinkle pictures throughout your post. This is really a part of under-estimating your audience--knowing that few, if any, read what you write and are instead looking for pictures.
6. Make sure your post passes the laugh test. For example, I have already laughed to myself many times in writing this post. That's how I know it is quality.
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Spoiler Alert: The ending involves Bounty paper towels.
(Continuing admission of guilt) I actually enjoyed the final episode--knowing that these people who I have shared so much of my life with, will turn out to be ok. Also, one of the final parting shots shows Ryan contemplating his life at the now-destroyed Cohen house. For a brief moment in the driveway, Marissa--silhouetted against a fading sunset, brushing her hair from her eyes-- flashes into his memory. A truly moving moment. I googled for a similar picture. I stopped when I found bounty. I don't think it needs an explanation.
spartan consumerism?
ReplyDeletekarl?
my karl?
"You are so poetic"
ReplyDeleteCan I safely assume that you have plagiarized this entire post?
ReplyDeletei'd like to focus on the fact that i got a 'shout out' in your blog and that you look at me as a competitor or something when youre really my mentor here, or discuss how genius this post is, but i cant get over the fact that you paid money to see ghost rider. ghost rider! ghost rider. ...ghost rider.
ReplyDelete"He's a ghost and he writes to us! Ghostwriter."
ReplyDeleteMarissa's armpit is all shadowy! That's weird!
ReplyDeleteSeinfeld was a show about nothing, and it did pretty well.
ReplyDeleteEliza, for guys, that's called 5 O'clock shadow.......
ReplyDelete