Don't Look

So originally I was going to write a very witty post about all of these people calling roll on their blogs. But then I noticed that there were really only two that I know of. You may know that too, if you tried to follow any of those supposed links.

But two points is enough to establish a trend! Or at least that is what I thought until I had to suffer through one of those "Bible is one point and BoM is another point" lessons last Sunday. The teacher phrased his clincher poorly and instead of asking "how many lines you can draw through two points" he asked "how many directions can you go with two points." A math guy absentmindedly answered "two." This, of course, is the correct answer but doesn't illustrate the lesson as well.

After a brief church chuckle, I mentally extended that reasoning further. What about D&C and PofGP? Aren't those points? How many lines can you draw through those points? What about modern prophets who can, essentially, establish any new point or direction God feels like. What do you do then? Collinear? Hardly. What do you do with the "as far as it is translated correctly" clause? Now we don't have a point, but a cloud of probability where a point could possibly exist.

I know, I am blowing your mind, and we are still in two dimensional space! Who said anything about these points and this cloud being coplanar? 4th dimension? Curved space? Special relativity? Black holes? Worm holes? Physics? Stopping a train with a cat?

Cats, my favorite gospel topic. Schlotsky's cat, specifically. Whoops, Wikipedia says it is called Shrodinger's cat. But it was actually two Sunday's ago--fast Sunday and all--so you can understand the mixup. As all pedantic a-holes know, Schnauss's cat is a thought experiment that says "if a scenario existed where a cat's state of life or death could be made dependent on the state of a subatomic particle, and also isolated from any possible observation, the state of the cat itself would be" in two states simultaneously. By observing the cat, you kill it or let it live. Observing the universe changes it.

You see, you could be a really excellent blogger. Or, like me, you could spend half the time posting recycled humor and the other half writing reflexive, self-absorbed nonsense to take a break from excel models. But as soon as you call roll, you find out one way or another--and suddenly your blog isn't such a gnar bucket. Gnar buckets, as I learned in priesthood, are the receptacles for the gnar after you shred it. "Nah bra, I filled up like six gnar buckets working my board on that rip."

Moral? Roll call = dead radioactive cats = empty gnar buckets.