Anytime I think of my own guilt, I think of 30 Rock. Video or transcript (last quote) of the crushing guilt scene.Tonight, my friend Keith and I had a long conversation about all the things we feel guilty about. I am not quite done. Feel free to leave your guilt in the comments.
I feel guilty every Thursday night when I curse all the members of the AA group in my neighborhood. Great, you have been on the wagon 3 months but you still park like a drunk!
I feel guilty when I roll out of bed at 11 AM (or noon) and then tell myself that I shouldn't spend too much time on work-related tasks because "that would be a waste of time."
I feel incredibly guilty that almost all of my goals involve managing excess--eat less, relax less, own less, wander less on the internet. I am literally drowning in food, free time, possessions, and information when many people lack all of those. (By the way, here'sinteresting story about a "100 Thing Challenge", which as the name would imply, involves owning only 100 personal items.)
I feel guilty that my FSA at work will reimburse the full $1,300 for lasik even though by the time I quit I will have only contributed $300 to the plan. (I called and asked if I could fully fund the account, but apparently there is no way.)
I feel guilty that I ignore all news about Iraq, Israel, and the Middle East in general--it is too difficult to sort out all of the players, who's up, who's bad, so I just ignore everything.
Lastly, I feel guilty as I discover more and more issues where I agree with Conservatives. Every pay stub I think "I wouldn't mind lower taxes." I don't know if "starving the beast" works, but I think I would like a smaller government. Perhaps my grandpa was right all along to curse FDR--I will never see any of the money I am paying into Social Security. Baby Boomers are thieves. Did I mention, I enjoy mindless vitriol--a key plank in the Republican platform.
A quick note to Ben, my 2028 campaign manager--remind me to delete this blog before I run on the Democratic ticket. My work experience (outsourcing American middle class jobs 300 at time) will be damning enough, I don't need some post about how I ignore the Middle East, want to cut taxes, hate social programs, and can't get out of bed in the morning coming back to bite me in the butt.
PS In looking for a picture of Alec Baldwin, I came across some rockin' photos: here and here. He is a hairy man.
Don't worry - we can spin this. I'm assuming by 2028 our campaign will be all about exploiting hard-working Americans' fear of the Invading Robot Menace, so youthful(?) indiscretions like this post can be papered over relatively easily.
ReplyDeleteI may or may not have said some things to prevent your future presidency anyway in interviews as a character reference of yours that may or may not have happened.
ReplyDeleteThis post only strengthens my conviction that you are becoming Jack Donaghy. I am picturing Tom and Feed as Dot Com and Grizz, but we are still missing a few key players.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Baldwin was a fox back in the day! A very furry fox.
I'm pretty sure the only thing a politician has to do to get rid of past indiscretions anyway is to grudgingly acknowledge them in a tell-all memoir. I would be shocked if you don't have one of those in the pipeline.
ReplyDeleteSee: thingsarecool.blogspot.com. This is circular. Is this where time becomes a loop?
ReplyDeleteSeeing that link to Wolfman Baldwin makes me want to go wax my chest.
ReplyDelete