I may have shared my philosophy with some of you, but I will codify it here to underscore its importance. "Do Whatever I Want."Your initial reaction may be that this is a self-centered lifestyle. Yes and no. I don't mean that I do what I want to the exclusion of others' needs and wants. Rather, I will be decisive about the direction of my life. I have made many important decisions on my expectations of future events that have not materialized. I don't regret these decisions about jobs, school, and residence--but nothing has turned out how I imagined it.
I have been on Do Whatever I Want for at least six months now. I was unaware of the need to review this philosophy until tonight as I was reading Les Miserables when I came across this line:
"Ladies are like apple-turnovers, you must not over-indulge in them."
Exactly! I thought to myself, this Victor Hugo is a good man. I just had an apple fritter this morning (close enough to an apple turnover) and I hadn't eaten one since the summer. This, of course, is about the same frequency as my dating. I am glad I am in good company--a perfect corollary to Do Whatever I Want.
Continuing quickly along the page, my enthusiam for Hugo waned with:
"Indigestion was designed by God to impose morality on stomachs."
Puzzling? Certainly. Disheartening? Yes.... And if confusing is switching subjects within a paragraph to a topic just below my heart (my stomach), call it that too. Moreover, Hugo is assaulting something far too personal and much too private (again, my stomach).
I quicly rescanned the paragraph and discovered:
"Ladies you like apple-turnovers, but you must not over-indulge in them."
My corollary disappeared like proposed savings in a consulting gig--which is to say mercilessly and quickly. I am left now naked and alone with Do Whatever I Want. Fine. That is how I started reading Les Miserable tonight anyway.
The End
Blogging Checklist:
1) Find picture to put in blog. (x)
2) Find excuse to show I have classic taste in literature. (x)
3) Extend passing observation about one particular sentence through hyperbole. (x)
4) Pretend like eating is really all I think about. (x)
5) Rip off quote I posted yesterday. (x)
6) Make reference to consulting few people will really get to demonstrate superiority. (x)
7) Blindly follow staid writing rules and find a clencher for the end of the post. (x)
8) Don't let people forget that I read real books. Take your Grisham and die. (x)
9) Make sure clencher makes people uncomfortable. Me naked will probably do it. (x)
10) Write fresh and insightful Blogging Checklist, wherein I tongue in cheek tackle the big issues that prove too daunting for other writers: philosophy, agency, and the artifice of writing. (x)
11) Rip off another quote from the back of a book to use in describing my Blogging Checklist. (x)
12) Note how clever it is to mention the Blogging Checklist within the Blogging Checklist........CALLSTACK OVERFLOW. INIFITE LOOP ERROR.
I didn't know you had only been involved with the "Do Whatever I Want" philosophy for just six months. It seems to me that you've been following that path for some time now. Or maybe that was when you were officially inducted into their ranks? Which leads me to ask if there is a membership fee or anything, cause I was thinking that "Do Whatever I Want" is not that bad of a lifestyle. Sure, it might alarm/offend some peeps, but I figure that the overwhelming sense of intellectual superiority and self-satisfaction kinda counterbalances that. Maybe you can put in a good word for me??
ReplyDeleteWho has the time to create blog posts like this?
ReplyDelete(1)Add comment to assert superiority in the face of writing which is more witty than my own: check.
Well Bob, we welcome you into the fold. Remember, you can think about others, do things for them, etc. but you must never alter your plans to accommodate someone. You are doing what you want. Period.
ReplyDelete13) Followup on comments to glory in my own blogility.