I have struggled for some time trying to reconcile the random course of human life and our need to super-impose an explanatory narrative over this life. More concretely, why do I have to give where I have lived, what I majored in, and what I am doing for work as a proxy for who I am?This trouble started innocently enough. One Sunday at church, I departed from my standard "Do What I Want" philosophy. As a practical matter, this translates to playing Tetris or reading the New York Times on my phone. These day-of-rest activities were abruptly suspended when I was drawn into a conversation with a nice young lady.
My alonergy was in flux and in a moment of weakness, I made the audacious move of saying I enjoyed the talk she gave the previous week. Clearly a returned missionary, she followed that comment with a clear and direct invite to go on a date. What was I to do? I felt the Spirit? Probably just pressure.
Generally I prefer the "Do Whatever I Want Approach" to introductions. This entails: 1) taking nothing seriously, 2) twisting the other's words around, and 3) staring intensely at random people. However, there are two prerequisites: 1) you don't actually want to get to know the person and 2) you will never see the person again. Some people call this approach being an a-hole. Potayto, potahto.
I defaulted into a somewhat more reasonable approach for Saturday night, in part because I was tired from Excel-ing it up all day. I ran through the practiced schpiel--I am from California, but no not really, from nowhere, or everywhere, whatever. I went to a school that you have no idea exists. Yes it is nice, isn't it. I am working for a company that is equally obscure doing very specific work that you don't really get. I am sort of Robin Hood--taking from the middle class to give to the poor, the super-rich, and slicing off some for myself. How old am I? How old do you think? Yes 29 is a bit too high. You think I am amazing? You think I am sexy?! (I am going to ignore those comments, how am I supposed to respond?)
We did see Casino Royale and that was quite good. The best Bond movie ever, I would say. I never really got into the Sean Connery days. Brosnan films were always too polished and too Hollywood. People really get messed up in this one. Highly recommend it. Plus Bond has some nice threads.
The night ended poorly with an "I get it, your not interested," an about-face, and her doubletiming it across the street. The night has only intensified my belief in "Do Whatever I Want." I went against my beliefs and suffered punishment.
In the end, I see that Bond and I have quite a lot in common. His detachment from any particular woman is driven by his suave character, his mysterious job, and his prior heartache. I am similarly detached. Mostly due to apathy. And arrogance. And maybe some condescending tendencies. Finally, a dash of the creepy factor.
Karl, Karl, Karl. Let us reason together. One cannot practice alonergy 99% of the time, and togethergy 1% of the time. That first moment of weakness will be your last moment of happiness. Whenever anyone, anywhere, asks you to engage in any action which involves another human being, the first word out of your mouth needs to be No. This has to come from the heart, bypassing the brain and other essential organs. You need to physically and emotionally flinch at the concept of human interaction. You can then reconsider and cover if necessary, but you need to start with a clear and immediate no. If you can't say it with your mouth, then say it with your feet. (Er, by fleeing, not by kicking.)
ReplyDeleteFeed is preaching false doctrine.
ReplyDeleteAlonergy sucks; Snugglegy is where it's at!
Jake tells me that my alonergy is because I don't put out enough.
ReplyDeleteBest Bond move ever? I beg to differ.
ReplyDeleteThey spent the entire moving showing that he was capable of more than alonergy--that deep down, he was capable of love, true love.
But in trying to show his softer, gentler, more cerebral side, the movie missed some of the quintessential things that make Bond, Bond--John Cleese for starters.
Feed, you speak truth to power like no one I have ever met before.
ReplyDelete