Band Names

Electronic Pathos. That was the name I came up with for a sweet band. Definitely an emoh group. Then I remembered a paper I came across from an MIT researcher who tried to determine whether you could tell if the music of different artists is similar based only on the name of the band. As part of the paper, the researcher used "science" and "computers" to produce 10,000 statistically grammar-average fake band names.

A call to arms people, find the best band names and put them in the comments. My list so far (in no particular order): Your Paragraph Negates Woofer, Heliocentric Minus Another Redhead Peripherals, Giraffe Coach, Sensual Codfish, Trespassers Louse, Aerosol Somebody, Mnemonic Slugs, Writhing Bravos, Cougar Ham, and Pneumonia Skullduggery.

My Ambien Walrus

toothpastefordinner.com

Maybe I should buy one

Outlier

This may be just another data point on the "weird" section of the Kaahl curve. Despite being a pretty normal dude, I ended up a partner in a small dress company called Launderette.

More than a year ago I was at church and complimented my friend Leslie on her new dress. Then, in a fairly innocent chat, mindless banter really, we were like "let's sell cool little dress like this online." And so we pooled together a little money, ordered 200 dresses from a someone's uncle in the Philippines, waited a year to make a website, and now, voila, that's how I came to sell women's dresses online. The name of the website is similar: "hey, Launderette sounds suitably weird, let's do that."

If Broek looks familiar, she is one of the many I spammed when I was high. Drugs--they help you stay in contact with friends.

Fifteen Books of Summer

"I love books, those undemanding but faithful friends."* I have fifteen weeks until schools starts again and want to knock out a bunch of books. I only have 11-12 solid choices and have some empty slots to fill. What I really want are more books like Slaughterhouse Five or The Catcher in the Rye--short, easy, but some depth. Here is my current mix--I tried to spread out the genres. What am I missing?

Biography:
Lincoln -- David Donald's bio, halfway through
David O. McKay and the Rise of Modern Mormonism -- My second read through, want to underline quotes this time
Life and Death in Shanghai -- Came recommended by my mom and stake president

Journalistic New Stuff:
Out of Mao's Shadow -- How Communists are strangling China
The Snow Lion and the Dragon -- Tibet vs. China, both groups hate the book, must be balanced

Novels:
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies -- Yes!
Gilead -- Thirty pages in and pretty solid, a bit lyrical, but still
Norwegian Wood -- A little racy, but halfway through
Black Swan Green -- John recommended it last year, finally want to follow through

Chinese:
哈利·波特与“混血王子” -- Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince, been reading it for years, I can finish this summer though, my characters are much better.

Poetry:
Good Poems by Garrison Keillor -- 2/3 read already, just pick off those last stragglers.

Sci-Fi:
Dune -- Supposedly one of the best books of the genre. Ever. Supposedly.

On my list for consideration:
Bonfire of Vanities -- Eighties zeitgeist novel
The Dog Who Wouldn't Be -- Favorite book from childhood
Atlas Shrugged -- Have read it, probably only Mormon who hasn't
Solaris -- More sci fi, liked the movie, book supposed to be entirely different
Armageddon: The Battle for Germany, 1944-1945 -- Liked his history of the Pacific war

*Victor Hugo, but just seemed pedantic to write it like an essay. Not that I have anything against pretension--why else would I write this post?

Amir, My Iranian Friend

I made a new Iranian friend, Amir, an electrical engineering student up here. He has come to a few BBQs at my apartment. He also voted in the Iranian presidential election yesterday at a polling place in Redwood City, for Musavi, not Ahmadinejad, of course.

During dinner I overheard his awkward conversation with another friend who had asked whether or not Ahmadinejad would relinquish power if defeated. His response: "In my country, government has three parts--the lawyers [legislative], the judges [judiciary], and the operations [executive]. If Ahmadinejad loses, then he no longer operates." Funny, but also shows the big, dumb American stereotype holds true--we somehow believe only the worst parts of the stories we hear about Iran. My question was no better. I asked if he had seen this SNL skit. He had.

All of that is to say, I like these photos of the election. US voters should learn that the key to any successful protest is matching your eye shadow and scarf with the color of the revolution.

My Hope In Crazies At the Ensign

I never really read the Ensign, so I was pleasantly surprised when I picked up my roommate's copy and read a short article comparing faith, hope, and charity to a group of sisters.

Of the three, Faith may be the most well known and popular, the one whose companionship is sought most often. She’s active and energetic, definitely the can-do type. Faith can move mountains, if necessary.

I picture Charity as being modest and refined, beautiful and gracious. In her presence you feel genuinely loved and accepted. She’s unfailingly kind and generous, patient, empathetic, aware of every need, and responsive without being asked. How could you not want the companionship of someone like Charity?

Then there’s Hope, who seems to have a problem with the way people perceive her. It may be her name and the way it’s commonly used: “I hope the car passes inspection.” Or, “I hope the weather will be nice for the wedding.” Used this way, the word hope is the verbal equivalent of keeping your fingers crossed. Consequently, many seem to think Hope is unsure, even fickle—she may or may not grace you with her companionship.

Hope is a poor Cinderella. All quite clever. The author makes some astute points about putting together puzzles. Good read, not Hemingway, but not what i was expecting either.

Swine, Swedes, and Socrates

Karmic balance must be the reason I like both tortured dead authors* and pictures of rice balls and spam that look like little piggies.

McSweeny's Lists are probably neutral in this Karmic balance--clever enough to be cute but sometimes quite acerbic and mean-spirited. Double win. Some recent ones I like:

Tips for Avoiding Swine Flu: "Don't share drinks with livestock"

Norse Spirituals: "Sven, Olaf, Sigurd, Snorri, Harald, Ivar, Hagbard, Starkad, Haki, Bovar, Hrolf, Magnus, Haamund, Bersi, Bragi, Heimdall, Hakon, Cnut, Erik, Ingjald, Skjalf, and Mikkel, Row The Boat Ashore"

Items Available at the Socratic Grocery Store: The Communist Antipasto


* DFW of course. The New Yorker describing his novel he was working on before he hung himself with an electrical cord: "Broom is a covert autobiography, 'the sensitive tale of a sensitive young WASP who’s just had this midlife crisis that’s moved him from coldly cerebral analytic math to a coldly cerebral take on fiction . . . which also shifted his existential dread from a fear that he was just a 98.6°F calculating machine to a fear that he was nothing but a linguistic construct.'"

Where Are You On My Curve?

On Writing

Three final essays covering 5-7 books I haven't read are all due Sunday at 5 PM. Somehow my assumption that with a little stretching I will be able to spew out 7,000 meaningful words seems a bit naive. Like 99.9% of the population, I think that although I am no professional writer, I can get my point across well enough. But this 99.9% of the population also believes it has good taste and drives well. All I can say, dear Stanford graders, is that I still wear corduroy pants, I am lazy and reckless behind the wheel, and I certainly will write some repetitive drivel for you to read. I will just remember EB White's advice: "Omit needless words! Omit needless words! Omit needless words!"