When Caffeine Pills Just Aren't Enough

Ostensibly, I should be working on finishing up another model in Excel, but after all week of pushing hard, I am just not feeling it.

Lately, I have been working tirelessly to bunk a few myths, mostly about aforementioned girlfriend. A few n00bs out there don't know about the interweb, and the little hand that means click.

Heard at the office today--A lesson in office banter:

Boss: Wax my surfboard tonight. (I am storing and using surfboard of said boss)

Me: Ok (No intention whatsoever to do so)

Boss: That was easy.

Me: It is better than waxing your back.

Boss: Go get me a sandwich.

Me: Bugger off.

Boss: Do you want to keep your job?

Me: Does the Pope poop in the woods?

Boss: You're fired.

Me: Lawsuits remain in effect even after I leave the company.

Boss: Post-mortem?

Me: Do you remember where I said I was going to work before I came here?

Boss: Have you seen Deliverance?

Me: Yeah, John Goodman, right?

Boss: No you are thinking of The Big Lewboski, am I wrong?

Me: No.

Boss: Am I wrong?

Me: Yes.

Boss: Am I wrong?

Me: No really, yes--I was thinking of Uncle Buck.

Boss: John Candy.

Me: Fat dude.

Boss: Heart disease is a terrible thing.

Me: I would give a leg and a mouth to cure that.

Boss: Hoof and mouth disease?

Me: Destroyed Britain's cattle industry.

Boss: No more Kobe beef on the Thames.

Me: How are the Lakers doing.

Boss: No longer in Minnesota dude, proper nomenclature is the "Resevoirs"--it's the West.

Me: I love Quentin Tarantino. Resevoir Dogs?

Boss: Naw, gives me heartburn. Those and Kilbasa.

Me: I don't like hiking mountains in Africa, even if they are in Kenya.

Boss: Speaking of Africa, have you heard about the Tsunami victims there?

Me: Well, it was the only way to win the war--Oppenheimer project and all.

Boss: I have a mutual fund with that group, I think it was called Enron back then.

Me: Just went public, I heard, the new Microsoft killer.

Boss: Yeah, he was in my Aunt's neighborhood one summer. Scared everyone.

Me: Well horses underneath the car can give anyone a fright.

Boss: Yeah just like a reef popping up on a wicked left.

Me: Yeah, we should go surfing this weekend.

Boss: I'll wax my board.


from » piss-off dept

3 comments:

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  2. duuude, you're so edgy. my boss would kill me if I talked to him like that.

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