Thanks Doc

Thus saith my lovely Dr. Gail: "Your sleep architecture is shot. You get large amounts of low quality sleep with frequent interruptions most likely caused by chronic stress. Don't worry, your nervous system will be able to re-establish normal sleep patterns--assuming we find the root cause of the chronic stress--in two to three years."

I guess this is what growing up is all about. I haven't had a natural, solid night's sleep in two years and, best case, I won't for several more. Welcome to the new normal, I guess.

Sweetest Thing I Could Find

This morning I woke up with raspberry stains on my undershirt, on my bed cover, on the light switch, on the carpet, on the clean dishes, and all over the counter.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that I got up in the middle of the night with the munchies. But I was a bit fuzzy about the details. I just can't sleep anymore. Very frustrating. Blue pills are really the only thing keeping me sane. Sort of. There's some collateral damage.

The evidence is pretty damning. There are three table knives in the sink. My loaf of bread is gone. The jar of jam is empty next to the fridge. Apparently, I came downstairs three times. Each time, I remember thinking: "I really like jam, I am going to put A LOT on this sandwich."

So apparently I was stumbling around last night, smearing jam on walls. Also, I ate almost a whole jar of jam in one night.

My Experience Exactly

What is the most important information I should know about Ambien CR?

After taking AMBIEN CR, you may get up out of bed while not being fully awake and do an activity that you do not know you are doing. The next morning, you may not remember that you did anything during the night. You have a higher chance for doing these activities if you drink alcohol or take other medicines that make you sleepy with AMBIEN CR. Reported activities include: driving a car (“sleep-driving”), making and eating food, talking on the phone, having sex, and sleep-walking.

I should also add facebooking. I have a lot to look forward to, I guess.

My Ambien Walrus

toothpastefordinner.com

Maybe I should buy one

I Think I Got High Last Night

I am responsible. Really. I try to get in bed at a reasonable hour. Sometimes when my schedule is skewampas, I take an Ambien to help me sleep and reset. Last night I accidentally took two.

As I was talking to my roommate Bob about our Saturday plans I said: "Hey Bob, I see two of you." As he related it to me this morning, I then hit my head against the door frame until he made me stop. My eyes were coming in and out of focus rapidly. He asked if I had taken anything. I told him the doctor prescribed 8 sleeping pills. Apparently that didn't phase him, because he just put me to bed.

After he shut the door, I popped out of bed and checked facebook. I spammed about 100 people with gushing wall posts and awkward quizzes. I guess deep down I wondered if other people thought my Spanish teacher from high school, several engaged friends, or my cousins were good kissers. I also posted a poll on my friend Katie's wall asking how many people thought she was religious. Fine, I guess, except that she isn't quite so into church these days. One acquaintance from high school asked me if I was on ecstasy. I am not that exotic.

This morning as I erased my facebook tracks I discovered some real winners. On Kat's wall I said: "I like you. I like your picture. Your picture is cute as a button." Seems strange in its see-Spot-run simplicity but not completely out of character. On Camile's wall I said: "I like you. I don't know what your goal is this year, but I hope you get it. You are a real winner." I was overcome by love and truth and vulgarity. I said as much on Caitlin's wall: "You girls are beautiful and righteous and obedient bitches." But what really confirmed that I got high last night was what I wrote on Broek's wall: "Your picture reminds me of my last novel...'the young maiden, hands behind her head, was arrested for unlicensed folk and emo sensibilities, though after being aroused out of her stupor, she came willingly to...'" Not sure where I was going with that, but as far as first lines of novels go, I think I am really on to something.