Started dive certification (Professional Association of Diving Instructions) yesterday--it just seemed like the appropriate thing to do.
PADI
Started dive certification (Professional Association of Diving Instructions) yesterday--it just seemed like the appropriate thing to do.
Wet Wipe Manifesto
Read the original post here. Some very rational arguments, summarized thusly:
Be sure to read the comments.
- Why are wipes necessary for babies to get clean bums, but not adults?
- You would never clean dishes with dry paper towels only.
- If you accidentally stepped barefoot in a some human feces, no matter how small, you would do more than brush off your foot with a dry rag.
Be sure to read the comments.
Probable Future Names of Hershey's Candies Following the Progression from Kisses to Hugs
Hershey's Kisses
Hershey's Hugs
Hershey's Handshakes
Hershey's Eye Contacts
Hershey's Awkward Silences
Hershey's Restraining Orders
From McSweenies
Hershey's Hugs
Hershey's Handshakes
Hershey's Eye Contacts
Hershey's Awkward Silences
Hershey's Restraining Orders
From McSweenies
Simplified List of Options for Iraq
Cut and run.
Run, without cutting first.
Cut. Just cut. No running.
Stand very still, then run suddenly—without cutting.
Stay the course.
Alter the course—but only slightly. Without cutting and running.
Stay the course—for a while. Then cut and run.
From McSweenies
Run, without cutting first.
Cut. Just cut. No running.
Stand very still, then run suddenly—without cutting.
Stay the course.
Alter the course—but only slightly. Without cutting and running.
Stay the course—for a while. Then cut and run.
From McSweenies
Salt of the Earth
The trouble with being the 'salt of the earth' is that you tend to go through electronics rather quickly. Six months of sweaty abuse tucked into the waistband of my running shorts and three months after a brief swim in the pacific, Shuffle passed away last night around 11:35 PM on Hobron Avenue. A fighter to the very, even when he could no longer sync, Shuffle kept giving. Though the words were not his own, I will never forget (or even understand) the last thing he said to me, against a backdrop of resounding bass:
West Side Walk It OutIndeed, I will walk it out.
South Side Walk It Out
East Side Walk It Out
North Side Walk It Out
Interesting Mormon Facts
On recommendation from my good friends Liz and Jason (known in certain circles as LL & Cool J--well just one circle, well just me) I am reading David O. McKay and the Rise of Modern Mormonism. Just as they intimated, the book is great--one of the most honest biographies of a church leader I have ever read. Everything is out on the table, including the priesthood ban, evolution, segregation, and politics. The book relies on interviews, First Presidency & Quorum of the Twelve meeting minutes, personal letters, etc. I am not quite done, but there were a few tid-bits that I thought were particularly surprising.
Those issues, however, are not the central theme. More than anything, the book underscores that it is OK to be different (even from other Mormons). The next time someone hijacks a Sunday School lesson from free agency to state's rights I think I will feel a little more free to share my opinion. The next time someone tries to claim a doctrinal basis for the evils of socialism, I will feel less restrained in asking if, then, all Swedes are, by definition, living out of harmony with the gospel. Most of all, to counter all the people thanking God for troops defending our freedom, I will pray more publicly for forgiveness for a nation that is clearly relying upon the arm of flesh ($500B) with predictable results.
You just have to love a President of the Church who would do this:
- Ernest L. Wilkinson (of Wilk Center Fame) setup a very Orwellian system of students "spying" and reporting on the day-to-day teaching of certain professors at BYU.
- At one point, McKay considered converting a 1000-ton ship into a temple to travel to the parts of the world without temples.
- Ezra T. Benson & Strom Thurmond considered forming a third party to pursue anti-communist activities more vigorously (10 years after the McCarthy debacle).
Those issues, however, are not the central theme. More than anything, the book underscores that it is OK to be different (even from other Mormons). The next time someone hijacks a Sunday School lesson from free agency to state's rights I think I will feel a little more free to share my opinion. The next time someone tries to claim a doctrinal basis for the evils of socialism, I will feel less restrained in asking if, then, all Swedes are, by definition, living out of harmony with the gospel. Most of all, to counter all the people thanking God for troops defending our freedom, I will pray more publicly for forgiveness for a nation that is clearly relying upon the arm of flesh ($500B) with predictable results.
You just have to love a President of the Church who would do this:
"At a reception McKay attended, the hostess served rum cake. 'All the guests hesitated, watching to see what McKay would do. He smacked his lips and began to eat.' When one guest expostulated, 'But President McKay, don't you know that is rum cake?' McKay smiled and reminded the guest that the Word of Wisdom forbade drinking alcohol, not eating it."
Mokapu Point
Thought I would throw in a few extra pics--blog has been short on them recently. Frankly, I don't know how to remedy the situation. I hate lugging a camera around. Here is the result of Sunday afternoon drive on island with a friend.
The Malibu Cell
Pics from a recent run on the LA-Ventura County border. Some say they run for exercise. Others say they run for the gorgeous views.
Me? I am clearly running from something. My past? Bills? All wrong.
AL QAEDA!!! (Below, B-man's self-portrait)
Me? I am clearly running from something. My past? Bills? All wrong.
AL QAEDA!!! (Below, B-man's self-portrait)
Facists
Cruising over to Seattle for my brother Peter's graduation from law school. Tapped out two computer batteries on the flight. My elbows hurt from being nailed by those stupid food carts so many times.
On my way out of the airport I grabbed a burrito. For some reason a stranger tried to speak to me in public and asked me if I thought the brownie I was buying was a hash brownie. Learning to read people in the agency as I have, and judging his pony tail and glasses to betray his true nature, I asked him if I could ask a question about Linux. "dd if=/dev/fd0H1440 of=floppy_image echo 1 > /proc/sys/net/ipv4/ip_forward?" I queried. Eat it facist.
On my way out of the airport I grabbed a burrito. For some reason a stranger tried to speak to me in public and asked me if I thought the brownie I was buying was a hash brownie. Learning to read people in the agency as I have, and judging his pony tail and glasses to betray his true nature, I asked him if I could ask a question about Linux. "dd if=/dev/fd0H1440 of=floppy_image echo 1 > /proc/sys/net/ipv4/ip_forward?" I queried. Eat it facist.
Medical Advice
I am not above getting medical advice from a blog--not even that, comments on a blog.
Broke it here. Drug addiction round one here, where I learned advil is not so good for broken bones in the comments section from loyal readers B and M. Here reader-of-dubious-loyalty-but-unquestionable-alonergy-wisdom F pointed out that much of my problem may be due to a card stuck in my throat. This showcased my new titanium accessories and allowed me to make fun of blogstar K in a poorly executed comment of cascading self-aware irony. Finally, my thinly veiled story of drug addiction masquerading as love of donuts here taught me that if no one cares about me, at least comment spam bots will offer me advice if I post about the right things.
Now that my medical history is clear, may I pose a new question?
My most recent visit with Dr. Perky was very...well let me describe. X-rays are always standard. Shirt is always off. She performs some witch doctoring--putting her fingers on my collar bone while trying to do some sort of wrestling move with my left arm. Supposedly she is checking movement, but I suspect it is just to do a double take to see if a man really does shave his armpits. (Yes. I tried it once and have never really gone back. Every few weeks, you know, when I am about to change razors, I make sure to get the last 10% of use that would be torture on the face.) Monday she made this much more enjoyable by whispering into my ear: "Look at you, you have amazing range of motion. Have you been doing therapy? This is all you."
This poking about is followed by looking at the fuzzy X rays for about 3 seconds and then making some reassuring or accusatory statements. Two months ago it was: "You are not laying down enough bone. You are a bad healer." Apparently it is just a matter of me willing it to be so.
Emulating our fearless leader, I marshaled an additional surge of 28,500 good vibes to help the beleaguered (shoulder) region attain peace and healing. This surge also supports the previously deployed 160,000 good, but clearly spent, vibes to stabilize the region by permanently solidifying the foreign (titanium) presence there. Monday it was: "YAY! You are laying down tons of bone. You are an amazing healer." This, of course, after she got to cut me up.
This 10-minute mix of seduction and cheer leading (which, according to my insurance statement, cost them $125 + $35 xray fees) was all to prepare me for the last point that "she just read a new journal" that basically says these fractures need 81 days to heal instead of the previously promised 6-weeks. Until then, she needs to see me every two to three weeks, and no weights, surfing, or kayaking.
Is she milking me for more $$$ or is there good medical reason to lay off doing these things?
Broke it here. Drug addiction round one here, where I learned advil is not so good for broken bones in the comments section from loyal readers B and M. Here reader-of-dubious-loyalty-but-unquestionable-alonergy-wisdom F pointed out that much of my problem may be due to a card stuck in my throat. This showcased my new titanium accessories and allowed me to make fun of blogstar K in a poorly executed comment of cascading self-aware irony. Finally, my thinly veiled story of drug addiction masquerading as love of donuts here taught me that if no one cares about me, at least comment spam bots will offer me advice if I post about the right things.
Now that my medical history is clear, may I pose a new question?
My most recent visit with Dr. Perky was very...well let me describe. X-rays are always standard. Shirt is always off. She performs some witch doctoring--putting her fingers on my collar bone while trying to do some sort of wrestling move with my left arm. Supposedly she is checking movement, but I suspect it is just to do a double take to see if a man really does shave his armpits. (Yes. I tried it once and have never really gone back. Every few weeks, you know, when I am about to change razors, I make sure to get the last 10% of use that would be torture on the face.) Monday she made this much more enjoyable by whispering into my ear: "Look at you, you have amazing range of motion. Have you been doing therapy? This is all you."
This poking about is followed by looking at the fuzzy X rays for about 3 seconds and then making some reassuring or accusatory statements. Two months ago it was: "You are not laying down enough bone. You are a bad healer." Apparently it is just a matter of me willing it to be so.
Emulating our fearless leader, I marshaled an additional surge of 28,500 good vibes to help the beleaguered (shoulder) region attain peace and healing. This surge also supports the previously deployed 160,000 good, but clearly spent, vibes to stabilize the region by permanently solidifying the foreign (titanium) presence there. Monday it was: "YAY! You are laying down tons of bone. You are an amazing healer." This, of course, after she got to cut me up.
This 10-minute mix of seduction and cheer leading (which, according to my insurance statement, cost them $125 + $35 xray fees) was all to prepare me for the last point that "she just read a new journal" that basically says these fractures need 81 days to heal instead of the previously promised 6-weeks. Until then, she needs to see me every two to three weeks, and no weights, surfing, or kayaking.
Is she milking me for more $$$ or is there good medical reason to lay off doing these things?
Most Emasculating Experience This Week
I have a favorite exercise shirt--a white and gray tank top that I wear constantly. I left it at Bonny's the other day, but I purchased another temporary replacement. The point is, I have been wearing this tank top quite often and have developed somewhat of a tan line.
Saturday afternoon I went for my usual weekend bike ride -- a quick 10 miler. Everyone in Hawaii exercises, and does so with very few clothes. To fit in, I shed my shirt for this ride. Halfway through, a truck filled with local teenagers passed me on the road. I could piece together what one teenager girl said by reading her lips and interpreting her gesticulations. The phrase that made the whole back of the truck look and laugh seems to have been something like: "I thought that was a girl."
I cycled home in tears.
Apparently, the combination of what could be called ampleness around my middle with the tan line from the tank top (which, as I looked at in the mirror at home) does look remarkably like the tan line of a sports bra. I also noticed, that if I were a woman, I would have some smoking hot hips.
Saturday afternoon I went for my usual weekend bike ride -- a quick 10 miler. Everyone in Hawaii exercises, and does so with very few clothes. To fit in, I shed my shirt for this ride. Halfway through, a truck filled with local teenagers passed me on the road. I could piece together what one teenager girl said by reading her lips and interpreting her gesticulations. The phrase that made the whole back of the truck look and laugh seems to have been something like: "I thought that was a girl."
I cycled home in tears.
Apparently, the combination of what could be called ampleness around my middle with the tan line from the tank top (which, as I looked at in the mirror at home) does look remarkably like the tan line of a sports bra. I also noticed, that if I were a woman, I would have some smoking hot hips.
Spiritual Alonergy
James E. Faust is on my top favorites list of Big B brethren (in order: Neal, Jeff, Neal, James, Neal, Gordon, Neal, Henry, Neal, etc.). I was pleasantly surprised by the broadcast website (www.byu.tv)--simple and effective. Also you can pause the live broadcasts if you want to see if that girl in the choir is really cute. And at 560 kps, you can tell one way or another.
The best benefit, is that I can chill in my apartment, with Ben & Jerry's Mint Cookie, enjoy my ocean views, and get my fill of devotional speakers. Pure genius. Alonergy gets a great boost.
Good job, Church. Other recommendations--1) payroll deductions for tithing, 2) garments without sleeves, and 3) church teleconferencing.
The best benefit, is that I can chill in my apartment, with Ben & Jerry's Mint Cookie, enjoy my ocean views, and get my fill of devotional speakers. Pure genius. Alonergy gets a great boost.
Good job, Church. Other recommendations--1) payroll deductions for tithing, 2) garments without sleeves, and 3) church teleconferencing.
Steps to Paradoxical (and Bad) Habits
Why do we engage in behavior that is clearly detrimental to our well being? I only bring this up as I examine this week in review. Here is how it played out:
1. I have too much work to do.
2. I don't get paid enough to do this much work.
3. I am not paid enough because I am not valued enough.
4. Bull.
5. (anger)
6. I am smart and capable--I am frustrated by work volume, not complexity or difficulty.
7. I deserve better.
8. What can I make "better?"
9. I can have a better dinner, including steak and a chocolate chocolate chip bread loaf dessert.
10. Goal to balance work / exercise / diet shattered.
You see? Too much work leads to chocolate desserts. Who would have thought?
1. I have too much work to do.
2. I don't get paid enough to do this much work.
3. I am not paid enough because I am not valued enough.
4. Bull.
5. (anger)
6. I am smart and capable--I am frustrated by work volume, not complexity or difficulty.
7. I deserve better.
8. What can I make "better?"
9. I can have a better dinner, including steak and a chocolate chocolate chip bread loaf dessert.
10. Goal to balance work / exercise / diet shattered.
You see? Too much work leads to chocolate desserts. Who would have thought?
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